Ugh, what a day. I have lost count of how many times I've gone between feeling extremely happy and extremely depressed today.
I guess it doesnt help that I've seen sunrise every day for over a week. Yesterday was some sort of party run by the kenkyushitsu, where everyone connected with it shows up, eat, drink, be merry, chat, and some people give some speeches. I tuned out for those, so I dont really know what they were talking about. I dont know. I headed off down to the city at about 6pm, but on the way something strange happened to my bike, the reflector from in between the spokes of the front wheel flew off and the pedal hit me pretty hard in the ankle.
We were in a restaurant that I think was supposed to be Thai, though the stuff that was served was pretty generic - a salad, some fried squid, some fried something-that-I-really-hope-was-chicken, and thick pretzel sticks in cream cheese. This wasnt so bad, though I reckon for $30 I should have come away feeling absolutely full, not slightly peckish.
More fun was definitely had at the second gathering of the night- after two hours in the Thai place we moved down the road to a Karaoke spot. Photos are up.
The best part about karaoke (other than the music) is that you are not expected to be a good singer - if anything, you are expected to sound like a dying dugong, and anything better than that is praised. I used to go to karaoke a lot when I was in Japan four years ago, and for a few moments last night, with familiar japanese songs on the karaoke machine, watching the coloured swipe mark your place in the lyrics, it really felt like it was back in 2000, having fun, totally enjoying myself. The night wound down, eventually, and I went back to my burrow.
Normally, I just cant sleep when I go to bed. I've never been able to fall asleep straight away (as in, within ten minutes) after getting into bed, never. Usually it used to take me about an hour or two, but lately its been taking longer and longer, which results in my sleeping in later and later, a vicious circle that has seen me be still awake at sunrise every day since the start of April.
Its when I'm just lying in bed, trying to sleep, that its the hardest part of the day. I think about what positive experiences I am gaining by being in Japan (none), I think about the great asset this is becoming for my future (its not), but most of all I think about Sarah, friends and family. The nights are always hard, and not a day goes by when I dont, at least at some point, wish I wasn't here.
Last night was just a particularly hard night, compounded by simply not being able to sleep at all. After exhausting my phone card talking to Sarah I emailed back and forth from my phone, stuck a movie on, when that finished, stuck another movie on, but just had no luck in trying to fall asleep.
Its not that Im not tired- I just cant fall asleep.
My ankle was still sore from where my bike attacked me, and the cup of water I had beside my bed so I wouldnt dehydrate, I left too close to the side of the bed and my futon knocked it over, then proceeded to soak up a whole cupful of water into the corner of my futon. I didnt realise this until I had pulled the futon up and it lay on the bed for a bit, the water then soaking into the bottom futon too.. I just changed ends of the bed and avoided the wet patch.
Through the night I must have gone from very very happy (once, at karaoke), to about as low as I've been in Japan, in tears and just wanting to leave (three or four times) to passably OK and thinking it is dealable (three or four times).
When it passed 7am, I decided enough was enough, got up, had breakfast, and came in to uni, where I've been ever since...
I did go to the uni travel agent, and am on the point of booking a flight to America, too, so that had me back feeling very very very happy again... though now Im just tired. Should go back to the burrow and try to sleep soon...
I am very tired... hopefully tonight I will sleep quickly...
76 <- probably less
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